I don't quite know how this website works. I don't know if I was supposed to go to a specific link about this but I just really need some guidance. When I was young, my dad threw me into a catholic school so a lot of heteronormative beliefs were pushed onto me. We all know how that story goes so we can just get straight to the point. All my life I've felt kinda like i was in limbo. I found myself having crushes on females and guys and wanting to do both feminine and masculine things. I thought I had everything figured out so about 2 years ago, when I was 14, I told my family I was bisexual. Coming out was very easy considering the fact that I live with my two lesbian mothers and my gay brothers. They have offered to take me to Pride parades and events but I would always decline. I've always figured it was because it was just not my thing but when I was talking to a friend about how she made the decision to make the transition from mtf she said something that made me question everything. She said it was easy and that she just felt more like a girl than she felt like a boy but I sometimes feel like a girl, a boy, both and niether . I don't feel the need to use the nonbinary pronouns because he/she both suffice. I think I want to truly understand who I am and I feel like its eating away at my sanity. The problem is it's been a year and a half since I had that conversation with my friend and I still haven't talked to my family yet. I have a warm and welcoming home so I'm not closeted by fear of judgement of them but I think part of me still holds onto the beliefs my dad spoon fed me. I don't know if he's shoved me back into the closet or if I've done it myself. When I look at all these other people who are out and proud, I feel so happy for them but when I look at myself I feel some type of hatred and disdain. I need to know what my next step is because I kinda just feel lost.