You know Girl Guides? Like the place were girls do a meeting every week and do camping and stuff? I am a Pathfinder, but c'mon, I make it kinda obvious I don't like being a girl/looking like a girl.
The fact that this sucks so much is, I'm a boy. Now, imagine everyone there talking about how you, as a girl, are strong, and as a woman, things will be harder and blah blah blah. I am in no way saying anything against doing stuff like that, because girls/women do have things harder. I just don't know what to do about those situations.
For the this year, the only people returning to pathfinders are me and my friend. Everybody else is new, meaning there will be nobody in the third year. I will have to talk to 4 people I don't know. I don't know if I should say something, because having everyone go "...SHE" or "birthname..." for like a year.
At the start of last year, I was pretty sure I was a trans guy. We were given name tags to write our name and pronouns. I wanted to write he/him/his but at a place called Girl Guides, that wouldn't be okay. Also, I still wasn't 100% sure I wasn't faking it for attention (even though I told nobody because I was too scared they'd reject me) and I wasn't out, so there was a chance the leaders would tell my parents, or somebody would say something with calling me he in it, and my parents would find out.
For the pronouns thing, I get they were trying to be progressive/inclusive or something, but from a place called Girl Guides, what did you expect people to write? Even if I/others were out, if you wrote they/them/theirs you'd just out yourself to a room of strangers who you have no idea if they are supportive or not. It just ended up with a room full of people with she/her/hers on their name tags.
The place isn't something bad, they just don't know, and I think I'll get kicked out if I tell them, because no boys in Girl Guides. I understand getting kicked out, but I'd have to tell my parents I'm trans first, then Guides, because I don't want to get outed by a leader, and make everyone uncomfortable.
I feel very dysphoric when people call me a girl, and being a pathfinder doesn't help that. I don't know what to do, because it isn't like me to ask to quit something like this, and I really don't want to tell them that I am a boy, because I'll just make everyone uncomfortable. I don't know what to do in this situation.
Also, I keep writing these essays idk just it looks right to me to write this way.
To Lee.Bunk, my middle name is my mom's name and telling them to call me Samson, well... you know the issue with that.