I have feeling weird lately. I'm biologically female but I don't feel like it. When I was young, I never fitted in the girl stereotype. As a little girl, I was meh with the female pronouns, but as I was growing up, the discomfort just grew with me. I want to be a boy sometimes, but I don't wanna have a surgery. I want to wear man clothes, I like a lot the male suits, but my parents are people that only believe in 2 genders, so I haven't had the opportunity to have male clothes. Another thing, I hate the fact that my face looks so feminine. I honestly don't want that, I want to have and adrogynous face, not very feminine, not very masculine, just androgynus, so I would dress up with both female and male clothes, and go out, and be called wathever they think I am, not just female. Sometimes I feel bad because of my body too. Sometimes it feels so weird, sometimes I feel like I want a penis, sometimes I don't really want it, idk. I'm flat, so that part sometimes doesn't bother me so much, until, somedays that I would like to have them a little bit big. I'm asexual, but I wouldn't mind having sex with a man If I was a man, too (I honestly scared to say this, because I would be called a weirdo ik that I am) I study an Engineering career and when they called me the "only girl in the group" I felt so weird, it felt off to me. No, I don't wanna have the stereotypical body of a man, neither woman, I don't wanna muscles, but I don't wanna too much curves, just a little. Finally, when I am in the internet, and nobody can see me irl, I go by any pronouns, like she, he and sometimes, they.
I don't want to say that I'm trans. But I'm not a cis woman. What to do? Who the fuck am I? I'm scared that I just confused or something.