Anyone know any great ways to bind without a binder? I am out to my mother, and when I asked her about me getting a binder, she basically said that it wasn't worth it, was really uncomfortable, and was ultimately a waste of time and money.
I have this one bra that flattens me down the most, but nowhere near good enough, and, yes, things like underwear dysphoria are caused by things like this. I hate looking down and seeing those things, and looking in the mirror sucks.
I also have tried using a camisole top (I believe that's the name for those tank tops with bras in them) but it does absolutely nothing except hide the nip-nops. I tried using medical tape, but my family doesn't have much of it, and its too thin to do much, as well as give me a lumpy chest.
I had talked with my mom about her getting an iPad, and she said she wants one and she knows it will make her happy. She talked about some people have items that just make them feel generally happier, and that I don't have one. Its things like this that make me wonder if she is actually supportive of me, or if she's trying to subconsciously make me un-trans.
I don't think she realises that it isn't just "Hmm.. I seem tomboyish, therefore I am a boy" when it is more "I am willing to have my arm cut off if it means I will become a boy!". She loves bringing up that when I was a toddler, I always "chose" to be a girl. You think that someone who is told "you are this" went "oh, ok so I am this" and guess what? They tried to be that!
Every day I think of how when I was called "dude" in second grade, then started crying. Part of me says "Oh, so you're not trans then because you hate boyish words" but the smaller part of me says "But.. you only cried because you felt something different, and at 6 you wouldn't understand what that feeling is".
I don't know. I am a 32B I think, so am I too big to have a binder do anything? I've had stress dreams where I had a binder, but when I put it on it did nothing. I look at myself and say "you're fat!" but then I think if I lose weight my curves will show more and I'll lose my broad shoulders. I think I'm 90 pounds, but I have that "skinny-thicc" body, so I am stupid curvy and I've tried to hide them best I can.
I'm not questioning or anything, but I'm just wondering why my gender feels the way it does. I understand now why I thought I was genderfluid. It feels like a dominant male sheet on top, and underneath a fluidity between agender and male. Its weird, but I know who I am, just kinda funny.
Basically, I want a binder, but can't get one. I hate my curves, and want to look more masculine. I want my mom to understand that I'm not just a stupid little kid, and actually want this really badly because I know it'll fix me. And finally, I want to know how to tell my mother my preferred name.