Please help. I have a huge id crisis. For the most of my life I identified as a girl but for the last two year I expirienced weird stuff. It is hard to explain but I will try. I had like phases in which I sometimes felt like people should see me as a boy (and also I can see muself as one when it happens) at occasions but than it faded for and I was again feeling like a girl. It usually happens when I play video games with my boyish friends, I think about my relationship with a woman (I'm heteroflexible/bisexual), ... or out of nowhere (that is rare). I am also still changing my appereance because of that this weird flactuations (I'm going for more boyish look-short hair, boyish clothes). And I also once expirienced body dysphoria so I know the feeling. And the cis gender just does not feel right. I also noticed how when watching movies I usually get obssesd with certain male characthers bacause I want to look like them-be a boy like them. But than at the other hand I feel like a girl 98% most of the time and I'm comfortable with it. And than I feel like cis would probably fit but than I remember my boy phases and than I'm all confused. I tried to go with a term bigender and genderfluid or maybe demigenderfluid but I'm not sure if actually the feelings that I'm getting are flactuating gender or just me trying to be someone else or not. And they also mostly don't sound right. Probably the most sutible is bigender. Than I ask myself if I'm trying to fake it but it doesn't sound right because why would I have weird feelings like this if I was cis...cis pople around me almost never question their identities as much as me and don't have this weird feelings. So what does this sound like to you, anyone? It's actually really making me anxious. Please help!
In past two year I also made like a male version of me in my head...I called it alter ego and it shows tself sometimes, but this maybe sounds to me like a way to cope with me being bigender or genderfluid? Cuz I still act normal but feel like my "BOY alter ego"? And when I presented myself like a guy for a halloween I actually gelt body euphoria.
I also hate when my mother calls me "my little girl" or something else like that (I makes me uncomfortable in the gender context like something is not right with me being just a girl).
Thank you for actually reading this and helping me!!! I am really greatful!