I am AFAB. For years, (up until recently) I have never minded being seen as a girl I guess. I never FELT like a girl, but then again, I don't think I feel like any gender really ??
At the beginning of my questioning, I thought I might be agender or non binary.
Then I looked into demigirl and I thought I might be that, 'cause I didn't really mind certain "girly" terms (some I really don't like)
Then I got confused more.
Sometimes I can't help but look at certain guys and just feel some sort of envy. I want short "gamer boy" hair, I want to be taller, I want to have a deeper, neutral sounding voice and have a flat chest, I want people to not know what gender I am, I want to wear more masculine/androgynous clothing and also present myself that way.
When I think about it, my ideal body would be very different from my current female body.
Hell, maybe I'd want a genderless body, the body I desire may even be impossible and doesn't even exist.
But here's the thing that confuses me.
I don't exactly feel gender.
I identify as non binary atm.
But I just don't know... Do I feel gender ??? I just
Like- I desire all these traits, to look a certain way, to BE a certain and to be percieved in another way, but I just can't point if I FEEL gender at all. I never understood what it means to feel gender and if I don't feel any gender in the end, wouldn't I just not care ?