I'm leaning towards non-binary, but there is a lot of info and I'm really not sure which categories I fall into, if into any at all. I don't even necessarily need to know beyond non-binary. But it seems like there are categories beyond that which could apply.
Ok, so, I'm AFAB. For all of my life, up until a few hours ago, if you had asked, I would have told you I was a woman. But I was today years old when I found out that what my gender might be is not necessarily what society says I am/have to be, something infinitely bound to my sex. As a "woman", I never felt like I was doing it "right", that I was somehow missing the mark. Never been girly, frilly, prissy, and now I'm remembering as a kid that I hated dresses but I wore them because it was expected of me. As an adult, I came to appreciate dresses and skirts, but I just was never into/never felt like I could maintain that societal image of femininity. Not to say that's what a woman actually is. At this point, I'm not even sure anymore what man or woman means.
I know that I have been assuming this whole time that I am a woman, but my agreement to this was purely based on the idea that it was a non-negotiable fact. "You have a vagina, so you are a girl. When you grow up, you'll be a woman. Now you are a mother, so you are definitely a woman cause men can't be moms." I've never wanted to be a man, but I have felt/do feel very masculine at times, not as a desire but just as a condition that exists. And try as I might, I never really felt like I fit in as a "girl". I like makeup, but I can't be bothered with it. Never learned how to apply it, and while I feel at home not using it at all, I can't help but to feel like I'm failing an expectation to do a feminine, womanly thing. Me feeling like I don't fit in though, I realize, is based on my perception of a societal interpretation of what a woman is or should be. Are there definitions for man and woman in the genderqueer community that are different from mainstream society?
Can someone help me narrow this down? I know I'm not 'required' to choose anything, and I definitely can sit with non-binary if it suits me. I just want to know if anyone reading this agrees with the non-binary status based on what I've described above? If you think I fit elsewhere outside of non-binary? Or, if you agree with the non-binary, then do you think I fit into a category under the non-binary umbrella?