So when I finally think I have things figured out, I realize I don't. I have so much internalized transphobia and it scares me to think about being a boy. (I was afab) I would love to take testosterone and maybe have top surgery, but it just scares me to think that I might be a male and don't even know it.
I also don't know if I'm fully male or if I'm partly male because of the internalized transphobia. I know that I'm some sort of trans, but it's hard to figure it out. I might be demiboy or something along those lines. I also feel almost genderless sometimes, but not really extreme or anything