Okay so around January of this year or something a friend of mine told me that they were a demiboy and used he/they. This person is AFAB like me and I knew about the LGBTQIAP+ community at the time but didn't know what demiboy meant. At that time I identified as bisexual (now I'm trixic/nonbinary love women) and I googled the term "Demiboy" because I didn't know what it meant. Google also told me the definition of demigirl and I was like "oh look at that" and didn't think anything of it until about a month later I was like "oh my god I'm a demigirl. But more girl then nonbinary" and I continued to use she/her, only a few of my friends knowing that I was a demigirl. About a week later I decided I was demigirl but a bit more nonbinary then girl. Started using they/them. The next week I decided I wanted to change my name. The next week changed it to River and decided I was nonbinary. I was working like that for a while. I was happy and got used to the they/them pronouns and stared feeling more and more dysphoria with she/her and other feminine things. My chest binder came in the mail soon after and I came out to my parents. now I'm starting to think I might be more demiboy/masculine aligned non-binary? I think this because ever since I decided to call myself nonbinary and not demigirl I decided that if your going to categorize me into a binary gender, I would prefer it if that gender was man/boy/male/masculine. The other day I was entertaining some young kids, a few of them being my cousins. A very young child, who was about 3 or 4 was convinced I was a boy because I had short hair. one of my cousins asking if I was a boy or girl to prove him wrong, and I said girl. This side of my family is super catholic and I haven't told them or my cousins I'm nonbinary because I don't want them to be like "YoU'rE pUsHiNg An AgEnDa On My KiDs" anyway, even though I said I was a girl this little kid was still convinced I was a boy and referred to me as such. He/him, boy, Mr. etc. This made me.,,, not dysphoric? I mean, she/her/girl/ma'am/etc. have given me dysphoria, but someone categorizing me as a boy didn't. I thought it would considering I am nonbinary, not a girl OR A BOY. So now I'm sitting here wondering if I'm actually a demiboy/something more masculine then non-binary. I almost don't think so due to the fact that my gender is mildly feminine aligned but I think my gender is "feminine aligned" because I am AFAB and have just been feeling pressured to be cisgender. But at the same time as a child I had no problem being categorized as a girl and didn't have any dysphoria until I started using they/them and started feeling dysphoria towards she/her pronouns and my chest. At the same time as a child I was very against the idea of "boy and girl colors" and it confused me that girls could like blue but boys couldn't like pink. Also often online when I was asked my gender I would just say "prefer not to say". Any words for anything I'm experiencing/anyone who feels a similar way? There probably isn't a term for how deep I'm thinking about this, I just like having words that I can define easily to cis people. Also, sorry for the long post, but congrats on making it all the way to the end! :)
Thanks :) River They/Them