just a little update: i came out to all i think my internet friends about gender-stuff and im currently going by they/he/she. im still not sure about labels so idk if i should call myself cis, since im still going by she (im afab btw), but im not rushing myself to figure anything out. i guess only a couple things are bothering me.
ive realized i really hate the word female/woman/stuff like that for me and im not sure about like more female-aligned nouns either. my friends and i jokingly call each other wife/husband/gf/stuff like that and when they call me wife/gf it feels weird like kinda off if that makes sense.
another thing i guess is the faking thing, since i havent felt uncomfy (i felt more "meh" before if that makes sense) about this kinda stuff until only a couple months ago and i still dont mind she/her, or wearing clothes that are typically more feminine i feel like im subconsciously faking for attention or to be part of the not-cis community ig.
also knowing i could never pass as anything other than a girl makes me feel weird. like, ive felt really like self-aware and kinda uncomfy because of my curves and stuff? idk i might be exaggerating but yeah.
anyways, thank you all so much again!